i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
