I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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