margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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