I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
