I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
