This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
