remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
