I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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