Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will be naked everywhere
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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