He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
