In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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