If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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