whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
