I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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