Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
