whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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