we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
