Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
