Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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