Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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