Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
