Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
