You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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