Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
