TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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