I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
