You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
