My friends, they love my intelligence
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
