if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
