I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
