Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
