I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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