He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
