When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
