I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
