I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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