i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
