so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
