I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
