I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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