So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
