i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
