I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Michael Bay diarrhea
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
