If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
