it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
