My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
