I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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