Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
