Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I AM VODKA MAN
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
