marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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